What ISP (Internet Service Providers) Techs put up with:

A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." 
The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. 
But that is a good point.
The man sitting  in the cubicle next to me is under a window, 
 and his is working fine."
 ================
 Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at 
 the same time.  That brings up a task list in the middle of the 
screen. 
 Now type the  letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
 Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
 Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
 Customer: "What do you mean?"
 Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
 Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
 ================
 Overheard in a computer shop:
 Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
 Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
 Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
 ================
 Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
 ================
 Frequently we receive phone calls at a local ISP.
 Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
 ================
 Some people pay for their online services with checks made 
 payable to "The  Internet."
 ================
 Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
 Tech Support: "Yeah."
 Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
 Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
 ================
 Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager 
icon."
 Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows - because of the icons - 
 I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons."
 Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. 
 I don't believe it was meant to- 
 Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'.  
 I don't believe in icons." 
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture'
of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' ok?" 
Customer: [click]
 ================ 
Customer: "My computer crashed!" 
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
 Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." 
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." 
 Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
 Tech  Support: "Huh?" 
Customer: "I crashed my game. 
That's what I said before. Now it doesn't work." 
Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and
 crashed his spaceship. 
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,'  then 'New Game.'"
 Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?" 
================
 Little Girl to her friend: "I'm never having kids. 
I hear they take nine  months to download."