THE SENILITY PRAYER
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked
anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I'm 'older' (but I refuse
to grow up), here's what I've discovered:

ONE I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

THREE I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

FOUR Funny, I don't remember being absent minded..

FIVE All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

SIX If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser

EIGHT Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

NINE I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few..

TEN Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN Accidents in the back seat cause..kids.

TWELVE It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been 
anywhere.

THIRTEEN Only time the world beats a path to your door is when
you're in the bathroom.

FOURTEEN If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them 
 on my knees.

FIFTEEN When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone 
decide to play chess?

SIXTEEN It's not hard to meet expenses.. they're everywhere.

SEVENTEEN The only difference between a rut and a grave is the  
depth.

EIGHTEEN These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the 
hereafter..I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what
I'm here after.

NINETEEN UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HA