A Rocky Horror Purim Shpiel Lyrics by Jason van Leeuwen, modifications by Gail Foorman Mordy(Brad) ………… Esther (Janet)……….. Ahashverosh (Professor)… Haman (Frankenfurter)….. Auf Ruf (Riff Raff)… Yenta (Magenta)………. Brandeis (Columbia)… Talmudologist (Narrator). Chorus… 1. Religious Double Feature Purim Spiel (Late Night Double Feature) Chorus: The Holy One had fun On the day the earth was done And the Sabbath ruled the land Eve and Adam heard From the mouth of their good Lord That they ruled the animal clan But the snake was there In his clandestine lair He tempted them with sweet apple jam Then at a lightening pace From HaMakom (The Place) And this is how the message ran: 2. Esther! Esther! (Dammit, Janet) Mordy: Esther? Esther: Yes, Uncle Mordy? Mordy: I’ve got something to say. Esther: Uh, huh? Mordy: I really love … the skillful way … you beat the other girls to the bride’s bouquet. (music starts) Mordy: You know that I think pork is shvester, Esther, I don’t eat bread ’til I’ve blessed it, Esther, Shatnez, no, polyester, Esther I’ve one thing to say and that’s Esther, Esther, I’m a Jew Vashti the queen was divested, Esther, I’m certain that it distressed her, Esther, Now it is your turn to best her, Esther, I’ve one thing to say and that’s Esther, Esther, You’re Jewish, too Chorus: Here’s a book we think you should learn more of Six hundred thirteen mitzvahs we must do W follow every precept of the Torah Aleph, Samech, Taf Reish, You must too, hoo, hoo. Esther: To be honest I thought you were nerdy, Mordy, I laughed when they all called you shorty, Mordy Now I see that your faith is so sturdy, Mordy I have one thing to say and that’s Lordy, Mordy, We are Jews. 3. There’s a Light (There’s a Light) Esther: In the ancient darkness Of history’s blight Burning bright There’s a Jewish star It matters what and who you are Chorus: There’s a light Over at the Persian Palace There’s a light Burning in our deepest place There’s a light, light In the darkness of Di-i-i-aspora life 4. Island in Time Warp (Time Warp) Auf Ruf: It’s astounding Time is holy Gladness takes its toll But listen closely Yenta: As if forever Auf Ruf: As I take the challah roll Chorus: We need the Island Island in time warp Drinking That kiddush wine When the cholent would hit me And the Lord would be calling All: Island in time warp again (2x) 5. Messed Up Aggagite (Sweet Transvestite) Haman: Vos Machst Du? I See you’ve shunned my Edict to bow down I’m just a little brought down because When I passed You didn’t bow to Haman Don’t get strung out By the way I look Don’t judge a book By its cover Don’t have Much power Outside the palace gates But inside I’m the worst of marauders I’m just a messed up Aggagite (All: Messed up Aggagite) From Amalekite Mesopotamia, uh, uh 6. Teach Me (Touch Me) I was feeling done in Couldn’t win I’d only prayed once before I thought there’s no use aiming For Bat Mitzvah training It only leads to splitting Headache paining Now all I want to know Is “Israel Hear O” I’ve heard God’s word and I want more (More, more, more) I’ll put up no reisistance I’ll provide assistance I’ve got a God to thank For my existence Teach-a, teach-a, teach-a, teach me I want to be ho-o-o-ly Guide me, guide me, provide me With eternal light 7. We’ll Party With Haman (I Can Make Him a Man) Randi: Could a meek queen weighing 98 pounds Endure the king’s wrath While standing her ground? Gail: But soon near the throne While standing alone She heard the king purr As he held out the sce- e- ep- ter Randi: She made him listen and beam And with cunning And just a litlle bitty glea hea hea heam His response was a scream. 8. Don’t Heed Him, String Him (Don’t Dream It, Be It) Haman: Whatever happened to Judge Ito That bearded, satin-robed frame As it clung to his backside I just started to cry Cause I wanted to be acquitted like OJ 9. Bless the Good Lord, O My Soul (Hot Patootie, Bless My Soul) Ensemble: Whatever happened to Friday Night? We dressed up sharp and we felt alright It’s not the same with out the candelight When I lit them, Shabbos was divine I used to dress up in costume and go To be a part of that Purim show We sat in the front seat, graggers in tow That Hamentaschen sure tasted fine Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul! I really love that Esther scroll! Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul! I really love that Esther scroll! Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul! I really love that Esther scroll! Bless the Good Lord, Oh, my soul! I really love that Esther scroll!