Subject: Halachah MiDisney - A bit of Purim Torah for your amusement ------- Forwarded Message Follows ------- While Disney World does maintain daily minyanim throughout the park, many poskim have declared it forbidden to pray with them. They proclaim that mice cannot serve as shlichei tzibbur, and it is well known that this practice is common at Disney synagogues. However, the chancellor of Disney World has ruled that mice are acceptable as agents, as long as they have taken upon themselves the obligations of daily tfilah. Mishlei states that there are no atheists in mouseholes. Furthermore, on Shabbat, dwarves receive all seven aliyot. Dwarves reading from the Torah damages k'vod hatzibbur, even if all of the women are asleep (or rather, even if they appear to be dead, after swallowing a restrictive psak). (Incidentally, Sleepy maintains that he is a kohen, based on family tradition passed from father to son since the days of Aharon. Other dwarves recall that Sleepy is a descendant of Honi M'agel, and hence cannot be a kohen -- but this is circular reasoning.) However, even those who permit aliyot for dwarves forbid them to serve as shlichei tzibbur. Apparently, dwarves are incapable of reciting the prayers properly, as they always whistle through their avodah -- even Grumpy! Someone who hears this whistling and responds "Amen" is not yotze. Disney synagogues also count mermaids in a minyan, in an obvious end-run around the age-old regulations to keep women barefoot. Since mermaids have no feet, they (technically) cannot stand for the Amidah, even though they remain shoeless. Yesh raglayim ladavar. Heaping scandal upon scandal, mermaids, crickets, mice and ducks all sit on the same side of the mechitzah with wooden boys -- clearly violating the prohibition against kilayim. Sometimes after a tough day working the crowds through a steamy Florida afternoon, many of the regulars prefer to daven at home over a stiff drink. To ensure a minyan for Minchah, the Disney rabbis even count singing tableware and kitchen implements. Although this pushes the halachic envelope, each piece can cite a klal [general principle] whereby it must be included in the minyan: The spoon counsels us "dan chaf b'zchut" [judge a spoon with merit]. The knife cites "sakin b'adam shelo b'fanav" [a knife (serves) in (stead of) a person when (a person is) not present]. The candlesticks remind us that "ner mitzvah, v'Torah or" [a candle (can do any) mitzvah, but the Torah is only leather]. The goblet intones "kos yayin malei k'virkat Adoshem" [a full cup of wine is equivalent to blessing Hashem]. The frying pan sings "laKel yeratzu k'minchah al machavat" [to Hashem it is as pleasing as Minchah davened by a pan]. The teacup refrains "sefel tov l'chol oseihem" [a cup is as good as anyone (who) does (it for) them]. The wine bottle chides "al tistakel b'kankan, elah b'ma sheyesh bo" [don't look at the bottle, rather see what's inside it]. The clock chimes in "tfilah mitzvah shehazman grama" [prayer is a mitzvah that time begins]. Several others declare "va'ani tefilati" [I am my prayer]. Still others quote R' Hillel: "b'makom she'ayn anashim hishtadel lihiyiot ish" [In a place where there aren't (enough) men, strive to be a man]. Several of the most stringent authorities complain that Disney World is open on Shabbat, so all Disney characters who are union members are prohibited from serving in public synagogue roles because they are mechalelei Shabbat b'fantasia. Lenient sources justify their work as melachah she-aynah tzricha l'Goofy. R' Bambi says "hakol kasher l'tzvi" [anything to make a buck]. This Purim Torah is codified in the sefer Iyunei Achbarim v'Anashim [Of Mice and Men] of R' Don Yitzchak Abarvazel. R' Abarvazel was an ancestor of the Katchke Rebbe. To properly grasp the full depth of his insights, one must be at least 40 years old and have raised children -- and even then, it is advantageous to first fulfill the mitzvah of ad lo yada yada yada. M-I-C (See you in costume.) K-E-Y (Why? Because it's Purim!) M-O-U-S-E -from the diary of Michoel b. Velvel of Anaheim Copyright Rick Dinitz, 2000 Special thanks and an early happy anniversary to Phil Goldwasser, who posed the question that opened the floodgates of silliness. Pitchu li shaarei matzchik. ****************************