Papyrus Newspaper Headlines for the Seder

by Benjie Herskowitz

Instructions: Read the article and match up the story with 
something that is related to the chag of Pesach.  

False Alarm?

The Midyan Fire Department was called, after there were reports of 
flames burning somewhere in the desert. 

Upon arriving at the scene, firefighters were baffled, finding no evidence 
of actual burning, but oddly, they did find a pair of size 11 EEE, 
Nimrod brand sandals…

 
Ben and Jerry’s Cairo Branch, Announces Winner of New Ice Cream 
Flavor Contest

The winner is Moses, son of Amram and Yocheved, for his original 
ice cream combining Red Hots, Strawberries, Ocean Salt and Banana, 
into what he proudly calls - “The Red Sea Split.” 

The happy winner, Moses, was quoted as saying, “I guess it make sense, 
as I am a “Cone/Cohen,” you know!”


Archeologist Digging in Egypt, Reveal Lone Body of Ancient 
Egyptian

Although he was definitely killed, amazingly, no signs of violence 
or even a struggle were found on the body.
Interestingly, a whip of some kind, seems to be still tightly clutched 
in his dead hand.


In The World of Sports

It seems that it was a very bad day for the Egyptian teams who, 
not only all lost, but seemed to have taken a real beating this weekend. 

Here are some local scores:
The Cairo Klutzes were mauled by the Tigers.
The Luxor Losers were crushed by the visiting Bears and
The Alexandria Fools were beaten, and then eaten by The Lions. 


In Foreign News

The nations of Edom, Moav and Canaan were reported to be ordering 
massive doses of Tylenol, Dexamol, Ibuprofen and aspirin. 

Also, entire shipping containers loaded with anti-depressants have 
arrived at their shores.

Hopefully someone will be able to explain this unusual behavior…


Dateline: 7 Adar 

Egyptian scientists were baffled, and environmentalists were seen 
scratching their heads today, trying to comprehend a new, mysterious 
source of energy, as it was reported that a bright light was seen 
emanating from the Ben Amram household. 

Neighbors claim that prior to the appearance of the light, they 
distinctly heard a woman scream - oddly at her husband - 
“I ain’t never doing this again!”


36 French Master Chefs Apply for Egyptian Visas

Upon hearing a rumor that fresh frogs legs were available in 
abundance in Egypt, 36 chefs from the prestigious 
VeLoatheAllForeigners Cooking School, quickly packed up 
to leave for Cairo.

Addendum to previous article
It seems that their trip was really for nothing, since all the 
frogs mysteriously vanished…


For Sale

Hardly used - dozens of royal, jewel encrusted chariots, some with 
some minor rust.

If interested, please contact J. Cousteau and ask for Jacques.


Medical Corner

An extremely rare phenomenon, has been reported by the Middle East 
Optometrist Society.

Hundreds of thousands of Israelite people have claimed, that they 
not only heard spoken words, but also actually saw them!

Dr. Yechezkel ben Buzi was quoted a saying that unusual as it 
may be, he too is familiar with such an occurrence. 


And We End On a Sad Note…
From Giza, Egypt

Yesterday, little Omar’s pet goldfish, was, unfortunately, 
swallowed up by a frog.