Noah (3 skits) There's fella by the name of Noah Built an ark Everybody knows he built an ark. You see What Noah do? Well he built an ark But very few people know about The conversation that went on between the Lord and Noah You see Noah was in his rec. room Sewing away, he was making a few things for the home there. He was a good carpenter Whoompa, whoompa, whoompa, whoompa Noah! Somebody call? Whoompa, whoompa, whoompa Noah! Who is that? It's the Lord, Noah Right! Where are ja? What you want? I've been good. I want you to build an Ark Right! Whats an Ark? Get some wood build it 300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits Right! Whats a cubit? Lets see a cubit...I used to know what a cubit was Well don't worry about that Noah When you get that done Go out into the world and Collect all of the animals in the world by twos Male and female, and put them into the ark Right! Who is this really? What's going on? How come you want me to do all these weird things? I'm going to destory the world Right! Am I on Candid Camera? How you gonna do it? I'm gonna make it rain for a thousand days and drown 'em right out Right! Listen to this, you'll save water Let it rain for 40 days and 40 nights And wait for the sewers back up Right! I just wondering, What would be the effect of an Ark on the average neighbour? Now, here's a guy going to work, 7 o'clock in the morning Noahs next door neighbour and he sees the Ark. Hey! You up there! What you want? What is this? It's an Ark Aha You wanna get it outta my driveway? I gotta get to work Listen, what this thing for anyway? I can't tell you Hahahahaha! Well, I mean can't you give me a little hint? You wanna a hint? Yes, please How long can you tread water? Hahahah! 'Course Noah had a heck of a job really He had to go out and collect All the animals in the world, by two's Two mosquitoes, male or female And, uh, he had to keep telling the rabbits Only two, only two, only two. So we find Noah pulling up the last two animals Two hippos and he's really in a hurry to get em up Because hes afraid that the Lords gonna call him And ask him to do something else And his nevers are shot This is one heck of a job for a man 600 years old So we find him pulling up the two last hippos And of course the Lord does call him there Com'on fat hippos hurry up Com'on will you please? Noah! What? What you want? Gotta take one of those hippos out And bring in another one What for? 'Cause you got two males down there And you need to bring in a female I'm not bringin' nothin' in You change one of em' Com'on you know I don't work like that. Well I'm sick and tired of this I've had enough of this stuff I've been working all day Working on it for days and days I'm sick and tired of this Noah! Yeah? How long can you tread water? Yeah, well I got news for you I'm sick and tired of this whole mess The whole neigbourhood's out there laughing at me They're all having a grand time At good old old Noah there I went out there at my best friend Larry I've been talking to the Lord, Larry Larry said Oh, really Yeah yeah Lord, Larry, Larry, Lord You walked off laughing And I hear 'em all laughing at me You know I'm the only guy in this neighbourhood with an Ark? People around here laughing Picket signs walking up and down I'm sick and tired of this stuff here People walking around here How you doing Tarzan? How's everything up there?. Sick and tired of this mess here You supposed to know all and see all You let me go out there And bring in a pregnant elephant You give me no manual for delivery or nuthin' Never told me the thing was pregnant There's good old Naoh waitin' underneath the elephant there Brrrrroooooooooom Right on top Sick and tired of this mess here Had enough all this stuff For you runnin' around You supposed to know all and see all Like I said before You let me go out there and do all this stuff here You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark Have you looked down there? No? Who's gonna clean up that mess down there? That's me I tell you I've had enough of this stuff I tell you what I'm gonna do I'm letting all these animals out And I'm gonna burn down this Ark And I'm going to Florida somewhere 'Cause you haven't done nothin' I'm sick and tired of all this mess You foolin' around And you haven't done nothing! And you got it rainin' It's not a shower is it? Ok Lord me and you right 'Cause I knew it all the time