The Hebrew Geek Code - Version 2.5 An Example Hebrew Geek Code: S+ Fa1 TM ng+ M K+ T t AT++ SY+=/SY+++ Te+ SC P+ FO++= D+ Tz++ E+ L- Am ------------------------------------------------------- Qualifiers: A&B Means A and B A/B Means ranging from A to B ------------------------------------------------------- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Shabbat Observance S--- I stone people walking to shul on Shabbat S-- Of course. Every Sunday! S- Not at all, or, "Shabbat - What's that?" S Reform S+ Conservative, will drive to shul S++ Traditional, Orthodox S+++ I stone cars on Shabbat =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Shabbat Candles SC- I don't use matches. Only you can prevent forest fires. SC Been there, done that. SC+ Every Shabbat. SC:( I blow them out afterwards so that they last longer. SC++ I have been arrested for arson. SC+++ I have been convicted for arson. Add a 'W' for "My wife does that" Example: SCW+, SCW ... =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Mishpacha (Family) Fa-- Intermarried - I sure do love Xmas! Fa- Intermarried - but the children will be raised Jewish Fa.n/a Not applicable. I'm homosexual. Fa.gm I'm gay AND I'm married. Fa1 Not married - Single Fa+ I married a Jew. Fa++ I married more than two wives at once. Only applicable for Yemenite Jews. Sorry :) ,c=# Where # represents the number of children you have. Default = 0. Examples: Fa1 Fa+ Fa+,c=1 Fa++,c=5 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Tohorot Mishpacha (Family Purity) TM-- I married a non-Jew, so this doesn't apply. TM- I'm a pagan :) TM I'm mostly following the rules TM+ Traditional Orthodox TM++ My wife and I have separate houses =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= N'giah (Laws regarding touching a member of the opposite sex ) Ng--- I touch a member of the opposite sex as much as possible Ng-- I try to observe it as much as possible, but I'm in the same cell as the arsonist. (see the Shabbat candles category). Ng- I am Shomer N'giah, but not by choice. Ng Liberal N'giah -- only touch a consenting partner Ng+ Conservative N'giah -- only touch a consenting partner I love and plan to marry. Ng++ Orthodox N'giah -- Only touch my wife Ng+++ I plan to have children by artificial inseminantion. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Moshiach M-- He's already come. Haven't you heard the Good Word? M- Don't believe in it. M Could be M+ Ani ma'ammim (I believe with perfect faith) M++ We want Moshiach now! M+++ Shabbatai Tzvi is Moshiach. M++++ I am Moshiach. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Kashrut K-- I only eat at McDonald's. Also: What's kashrut? K- Jewish in identity, not in practice. Likely to eat ham and cheese, but will say a bracha afterwards K Very liberal kosher. Won't eat any Torah forbidden species, won't mix milk and meat. Will eat eat meat of a permitted animal, even it not properly slaughtered. K+ Conservative. Kashrut fully observed. Two sets of dishes, etc. Add appropriate strictures as necessary. If no codes are added, lenient options are default for K+ K++ Orthodox kashrut. Same as Conservative, but unless codes are added, the stricter options are assumed for K++ K+++ Meshugge kosher. ch+ Will only eat Kosher cheese. ch Will eat cheese without a hechsher. me+ Will only eat Glatt meat. me Glatt not necessary. mi+ Will only drink Chalav Yisrael milk. mi Will drink regular FDA approved milk. ge+ Won't eat gelatin, diglycerides, etc. unless with an Orthodox hechsher. ge Will eat gelatin, diglycerides, etc. Considered pareve. wi+ Will only drink kosher wine. wi Will drink without a hechsher. Examples: K+ K++ K++,mi k+,ch+ =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Ivrit (Hebrew) H- Is 'Jewish' a language? H I went to Hebrew school. Shalom! H+ I even took it in college. H++ I'm not made fun of too badly by Israelis. H+++ Ani midaberet Ivrit tov Me'od, nu? Substitute Yid for H to denote Yiddish familiarity. Substitue Lad for H to denote Ladino familiarity. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Talmud T--- I burn them whenever I get the chance. (Note: This category is especially useful for apostates like Torquemada.) T-- I'm a Karaite T- Is that like Torah? T Studied in Hebrew school / Hebrew High School T+ Studied in college or yeshiva; Competent to argue. T++ Talmud Chochem T+++ Adin Steinsaltz's chevruta. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Tribe t Israel t+ Levi t++ Cohen t+++ Next in line to be the Cohen Gadol t? Not sure (be real - this is most of us!) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Attendance at Shul. AT-- Religion is for dweebs! AT- Only for other people's weddings and bar/bat mitzvahs. AT Regularly! (Well, every Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, and I also had a Bar/Bat Mitzvah! AT+ High holidays, Shalosh Regalim (Three festivals), and occasional shabbats. AT++ I go on Shabbat. AT+++ And I lay Tefillin on weekdays AT++++ The Rabbi wants to institute a restraining order to keep me away! =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= What type of shul do I got to? SY-- Jesus loves me, yes he does... SY- Allah'hu Akbar! -SY I don't go to shul SYrc Reconstructionist SY Reform SY+ Conservative (whatever that means) SY+= Conservative egalitarian SYCh Chavura SY++ UTJ/Traditional/Right wing Conservative SY+++ Orthodox SY+++M Modern Orthodox, Centrist SY+++Y Yeshish, Litvak, Right wing, Agudat Yisroel SY+++C Chassidic You can add the appropriate Nusach code shown in the next section. If you go to a shul that is different that your background, then just add a comma after the shul type, and then add the background code. If you don't put a code after the shul type, the default is Ashkenazi. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Nusach (What type of Jew am I? ) A Ashkenazi Az Nusach HaAri (This is a Ashkenazi Chassidic nusach, which is really a Sephardi nusach as modifed by Rav Shneur Zalman.) S Sephardic (North African, Middle East) SE Sephardic (European) SY Sephardic (Yementite) SI B'nai Yisrael (India) ET Beta Yisrael (Ethiopian) Examples: SY+ SY+/A SY+/A,SE SY+,SE =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Tefillin (Phylacteries) Te- What's that? Is it good to eat? Te I don't wear animal products, dude. Te+ Sure, sometimes. Irregularly. Te++ Every day, or almost every day. I'm a mensch! :) Te+++ The doctors say if I don't taken them off soon, they'll have to amputate. Te.n/a Not applicable, I'm a woman. Te!a Of COURSE Teffilin is applicable for women! Rashi's daughters wore them! (Add appropriate + or - ) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Pesach (Passover) P--- Happy Easter! P-- Mohammed says to celebrate Moses's birthday ! P- I refrain from bacon double cheeseburgers on Pesach. No bread at all! My parents are sooo proud! P Yeah, I think I follow most of the rules. Mostly. PC Everything except for the part about "Pour out thy wrath" P+ Even the pet eats tuna and matzah-brei for a week P++ I start cleaning right after Hanukkah ! P+++ Blowtorch the kitchen, buy new dishes every Spring P++++ Blowtorch the house, move every Spring (This ties in with that arson category of Shabbos candles). =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Festival Observance: FO--- Christmas Tree and Easter Eggs FO-- Chanukka Bush and Passover Candy Basket FO- Secular home FO Somewhat Traditional - add the following qualifiers as you find appropriate: s Go to a seder m Light the menorah. p Make noise and drink on Purim. t Dance on Simchat Torah su Eat in a Sukka on Sukkot. sL Can LEAD a Seder :) co Count the Omer hh Go to High Holiday services. FO+ Full Observance - Reform FO++ Full Observance - Conservative and Traditional (Non-egalitarian) FO++= Same as above, but egalitarian. FO+++ Strict Orthodox observance FO+++:( Celebrate all festivals but Israel Independence Day, since Moshiach is not yet here. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Davening (praying) ability D-- I daven Gospel. D- What's davening? D I know when to stand, sit and bow. D+ I also know the Sh'ma and Kaddish by heart, and can somehow make it through most of the rest. D++ I can lead services D+++ I can also read Torah, Haftarah and Megillot D++++ and they'll invite me back a second time =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Tzedakah (Charity) Tz- I'm a professional shnorrer. Got a dollar? Tz I give a few bucks - but not if it hurts! :( Tz+ I actually notice when I give. Tz++ Repeat donor to UJA, JNF, UW, or SPCA, anything but the PLO. Tz+++ Give till it hurts. A mensch. :) Tz++++ I'm a Rothschild =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Egalitarianism Factor E-- Don't touch that with your bare hands, it's a female! E- uh...if a man heard a woman's voice, he'd be so overcome with lustful thoughts he wouldn't be able to concentrate on his prayers... E OK, OK, LET them wear tefillin and have women's prayer groups, just keep them behind the mechitza! But they don't count in a minyan. E+ Women (who REALLY have taken on the obligations of tefila Tallit and Tefillin) can read Torah and count in minyans. E++ Any women (even without taking on the obligations) can count in a minyan. E+++ I only like women rabbis/ I AM a woman Rabbi / I married a woman Rabbi. E++++ I'm an ultraliberal lesbian Reconstructionist Rabbi. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Lashon Hora (Evil speech) L----- I am Ricki Lake; Lashon Hora is my job. L---- I am a talk show host. L--- I have appeared on a talk show and acted like a true weenie in front of millions of people. L-- I write for check-out counter tabloids. L- I never speak Lashon Hora, but I'll tell you someone who does! L If you don't have something nice to say, than don't say it. L+ I can recite parts of Rabbi Pliskin's "Guard Your tounge". A true mensch. L++ The Chofetz Chaim is my inspiration. I have his books, his commentaries, and the new interactive CD-ROM. L+++ I even refrained from criticising Intel's Pentium debacle. A tzaddik. (Note: People who choose this last option are high on morals, but possibly low on modesty) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Modest Attire/Tzinout (for women) Aw--- I love my bikini, I wear it everywhere. Aw-- ...except in Syngaogue. Aw- I don't wear mini skirts if they are "Shatnez" Aw Conventional American dress. Aw+ Modest Orthodox apparel. I wear long sleeves, only dresses (no pants) and my hair is covered in public. Aw++ Real Haredi or Chassidc style dress. Aw+++ Even my husband doesn't know what I look like. (for men) Am--- I love my thong. I wear it everywhere. Am-- ...except in Synagogue. Am- Sure I wear leather and studs sometimes - after all, its not Shatnez! Am Conventional American dress. Am+ Hat (usually black) and dark suit. Am++ Real Haredi or Chassidic style dress. Am+++ I dress like a Cohen Gadol. You know, just like that Vulcan High Priestess in the beginning of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. (Really! Leonard Nimoy had that based on the dress of a Cohen Gadol. B'emet!)