Subject: daffynitions

CANNIBAL        -- One who is fed up with people.
CATHARSIS       -- The sound of a cat coughing up a hairball
DEDUCE          -- To take all the two's out of the deck (See
Reduce)
DIVINE          -- What Tarzen used to get from de tree to de hut.
DUAL AIRBAGS    -- Political debates
FLEA            -- A bug that has gone to the dogs
HOUSE FLY       -- What the house do during the tornado
REDUCE          -- To put twos back in the deck (See Deduce)

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   WORDS *NOT* YET IN THE DICTIONARY:
 
   CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming,
   of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
   reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
   down to give the vacuum one more chance.
 
   DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you
   dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will
  `remove' all the germs.
 
   ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen
   in the rearview mirror.
 
   EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you
   at the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow
   suit.
 
   ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for
   one armrest in a movie theater.
 
   ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that
   the  more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.
 
   FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
   onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until
   he  finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
 
   LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the
   "open  here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to
   resort to  the  `illegal' side.
 
   PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
   purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground
   pepper.
 
   PETONIC (peh ton' ik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in
   front  of a household pet.
 
   PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
   and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
 
   PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
   presses its nose to it.
 
   TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
   letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even
   when  you're only six inches away.