RECENT DOCUMENTS FROM THE VATICAN Retrieved from a trashcan in St Peter's Square MEMO: TO: His Holiness From: Office of Relations with the Jewish Community SUBJECT: Channukah We have received a request from the Jewish Community and the Israeli Embassy that we light a Channukah candle on the first night of Channukah. Sounds like a good idea - we could get CNN to cover. It's near Christmas and we could find spare candles. What do you think? MEMO: FROM: His Holiness TO: Office of Relations with the Jewish Community cc: maintenance and Storage A great idea. I remember those Jewish potato pancakes that the Children of Abraham used to prepare in Poland when I was a kid. Make sure that that's part of the deal. What about the candelabra? I know they use a special one - I think we may have one. Ask Maintenance to look in the cellars. If they don't know what you're talking about - tell them it looks exactly like the one on the Arch of Titus down the street. MEMO: TO: His Holiness From: Maintenance SUBJECT: Candelabra We looked in the cellars. We have a big one - very, very dusty - behind a whole pile of incense pans, marked "Gifts from Aeolia Capitolina State visit 70AD". How many lights do you need? There are seven branches to this candelabra. We also found an ancient set of jars of oil with an OU marking in Greek, but one was missing - must have been dropped somewhere. MEMO: FROM: His Holiness TO: Maintenance and Storage cc: Office of Relations with the Jewish Community Got your Memo. The one we have won't do -- we need the newer model with eight candles. I think Chabad dropped one off at the gate last week with the Swiss guards. If not, ask the ADL if we can borrow one. Shut up about what we have in the cellar. Remember to check on the potato pancakes.