After prolonged insistence by western governments Ariel Sharon finally agrees to meet with Yasser Arafat in Jerusalem in the interest of furthering Middle Eastern peace. At the end of their meeting Arafat tells Sharon that he really was not to blame for all the terrorist attacks against Israel, the problem was that his subordinates were either incapable or chose not to follow orders, and that in fact he loved the Jews as much as he loved his own people. He asks Ariel Sharon what style of leadership he uses to be so successful. Ariel Sharon explains that he always surrounds himself with intelligent people who understand that success comes from everyone acting together for the common good of the nation. Impressed by the answer, Arafat asks how he knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says Sharon. "Let me show you an example." Sharon phones Shimon Peres and says, "Shimon, please can you answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Peres replies, "That's simple. It's me, Prime Minister." "Thank you, Shimon." says Ariel Sharon. "I pray that the gleam of a million peace prizes shine brightly in your eyes." Sharon hangs up and says, "You got that, Yasser? Go home in peace, and let the shadow of terror never darken our lives again lest I make you drink from the sea of Gaza." Arafat says, "Yes dear friend, thank you very much. I will definitely be using that to help me build an even better police force. We will surely make the peace of the brave and plant a thousand olive trees in Palestine. May you be granted Arab hospitality in abundance as we have given you before." Arafat returns to Ramallah and decides to try out his good friend Saddam Hussein before putting his cabinet to the test. He calls Saddam and says, "Brother Saddam, peace be upon you. May you light the furnace fires to burn the great Satan. I wonder if you can answer a question for me." "Greetings, Yasser, brother jihad warrior. May Allah bless you with a hundred sons as beautiful as you. What is on your mind?" "Well, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Saddam ponders the question, twirls his worry beads and finally says, "Yasser, let me think about it and get back to you." Saddam calls a meeting of his ministers and generals and they puzzle over the question, but nobody can give a sensible answer. Finally, Saddam decides to call Osama Bin Laden for help as he knows he is a very smart guy. "Brother Osama, peace be upon you. May the flag of the crescent moon soon fly over Washington. A question has been troubling me." "Greetings brother Saddam, I always happy to hear from you. May Allah shower your head with abundant oil and palaces of marble. What is the problem?" Saddam asks "Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Bin Laden answers immediately, "It's me, of course. How did Allah make you glorious leader of the jewel of Arabia if you cannot fathom such a question? Even in my family it is simple to answer this. Allah should grant you a martyr's paradise." Saddam thanks bin Laden profusely and then phones Arafat back. "Greetings brother Yasser, peace be upon you. May you lead by example a million martyrs to Jerusalem. I know the answer to your question. My mother has a child, and my father has a child, and this child is not my brother or my sister. Who is it? It's Osama Bin Laden!" Arafat replies "Wrong, you son of a thousand camels. It's Shimon Peres." ---------- U. N. officials have hailed Yasser Arafat's decision to convert to Judaism as a major step in bringing peace to the Middle East. In Israel, government offices were swamped beyond capacity by applicants volunteering to be the moyel. ---------- Jay Leno: Bose Labs says it has recorded the lowest decibel sound ever made. The softest sounds ever heard - that would be Yasser Arafat denouncing terrorism.