To ensure we never offend anyone - particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips. Pause a moment and take the following test. In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by: (a) Norwegians from Ballard; (b) Elvis; (c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40. In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by: (a) A pizza delivery boy; (b) Crazed feminists screeching that being able to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius was an unfair and sexist requirement in basic training; (c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by: (a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2;" (b) The Tooth Fairy; (c) Butch and Sundance who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train thing; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40. In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by: (a) Mr. Rogers; (b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wee Willie's women problems; (c) the WWF, to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the Merciless;" or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by: (a) Bugs Bunny, (b) the Supreme Court of Florida trying to outdo their attempted hijacking of the 2000 Presidential election; (c) Mr. Bean; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40. How'd you do? Did you detect a pattern that would indicate we'd better take a close look at a certain type of individual who might be boarding an airplane with something on his mind other than "What's the in- flight movie?" You think so? Horrors! You're nothing more than a closet racist who could never be hired as an official federal airport screener.