Advice to a friend By Yaakov Har-Oz Dear President Clinton, I want to talk to you as a friend of the United States, one who cares deeply about America, one who feels your pain. I share with you your anguish at the bloodshed that’s been plaguing America lately: the car bomb attacks by the Native American Liberation Organization, the bus bombings by the Wounded Knee Brigade, the continuing Native American violence (rioting, stone throwing, shootings, etc.) in violation of every agreement they have made with you – in short, the Native American uprising. Your conflict with the Native American people has a complex history, whose resolution requires balancing the needs of both sides. But the first step in resolving this conflict is that you, Mr. President, must come to accept a simple fact: when the white man came to America, the land was not vacant. Your land is also their land; it is the homeland of two peoples. And therefore, there is no choice but to create two states and make the best of it. I want to present to you my bridging proposals for resolving this conflict between your people and the Native Americans. While neither you nor the Native Americans will be entirely happy with my proposals, I believe my proposals will meet each side’s essential needs, if not their utmost desires. You may feel it inappropriate to make fateful decisions about your country’s future in these last few weeks of your term in office. But I’m sure that you, like certain others, will figure out a way to get over that feeling. To begin with, the legacy of illegal land expropriations by your people must be undone, no matter how difficult this may be. Take the Louisiana Purchase, for example, under which two million square kilometers (800,000 sq. mi.) of traditional Native American land – including your own home state of Arkansas – were “purchased” from the French. As if the land had been France’s to sell! All this land must be given back to the descendants of the Native American tribes who lived there at the time, such as the Choctaw, the Biloxi, and the Sac & Fox. Peace demands no less. The next step must be to divide the land, for which purpose we must follow a simple principle: what is Indian must belong to the Native American peoples, for why would you want to govern in perpetuity the lives of over two million Native Americans? As to how to determine which particular areas belong to the Native Americans, the first logical step would be to make a determination based on the name of the area – places named after Native American tribes or based on Native American words are obviously Native American. Thus, for example, the Mojave Desert, the Mississippi River, some twenty-six states, and the city of Miami, Florida (I know you won’t mind giving that up!) must all be returned to the Native Americans. We must reject, however, the demands of the maximalists, the enemies of peace, who seek the right of return of all Pontiac automobiles and Winnebago trailers to Native American hands. (By the way, there’s some bad news for you personally: Chappaqua isn’t exactly an Anglo-Saxon name . . .) Sports teams must also be divided between the two peoples. While the Yankees will obviously stay with you (Hillary could accept no less), the Atlanta Braves, the Kansas City Chiefs, the Florida State Seminoles – all must be given to the Native Americans as part of the price of peace. (I have intentionally not included the Washington Redskins, since, in view of their last few dismal seasons, I suspect the Native Americans would refuse to take them.) Finally, we come to the most difficult question: the division of Washington, D.C. into two different sections, one Indian and one American: the internationally recognized capital of two states. One obvious dividing line would be the Potomac River (named as it is after a sub-tribe of the Powhatan Confederation). But this would lead to dividing the city of Washington, which I know you have pledged not to do. Besides, one side would get all the monuments, and the other would be left with nothing but Arlington Cemetery. No, I propose instead a logical division of territory, whereby, inasmuch as a majority of American states’ names are based on Native American names or words, streets named after states would be Indian, and all other streets would be American. Unfortunately, the White House and the Old Executive Office Building (including its infamous Indian Treaty Room) are located on Pennsylvania Avenue, which is named after a state. But in view of the historic ties between the American people and the White House, an arrangement will be made whereby the Oval Office will be under duel sovereignty, with Native Americans having control of all day-to-day affairs. Logistically, of course, you may be concerned by the fact that the Oval Office will be in Native American hands, surrounded by Native American territory. However, I am pleased to be able to tell you that there will be international guarantees of America’s rights in the Oval Office. The French have graciously agreed to head up the monitoring force. (You don’t have any problem with relying on the French to protect American interests, do you?) I understand that you may find these proposals difficult to accept. But isn’t peace worth whatever price you may be asked to pay? © 2001 by Yaakov Har-Oz. All rights reserved.